| Greetings,
It's probably safe to say that when it comes to
planning a life together, no one imagines they're going
to have trouble getting pregnant and having a baby.
Some of a couple's most cherished moments involve
dreaming of their future family. Rarely do they ponder
the need for a Plan B.
For many couples, infertility can present the first major
challenge to their relationship. Being told that you and
yours will need assistance to have a child can feel like
having the wind knocked out of you and your
relationship. The unfortunate truth is that infertility and
its treatment can take a final toll on some couples,
causing discord and disintegration.
Are there steps you can take to fortify your
relationship?
|
Plan B
While it would be nice if life would let us simply cruise
along without speedbumps or potholes, infertility is a
reality that can, at first, bring your family-building plans
to an abrupt halt. Don't let it stop there!
Do whatever works for you to raise your energy back
up and find another route. Languishing by the roadside
is okay for a bit, but hang out there too long and you
can wind up missing your best chances at assisted
conception.
If you're part of a couple, you'll both need to
participate -- this is a joint project. You won't
necessarily always be in sync, but a solid, lasting
relationship includes conscious knowledge that such
times will come, that individuals sometimes need a bit
of distance, and the trust in each other and faith in the
relationship that you'll stay true to your goals.
Sounds like inachievable perfection?
For some, it may be. There are a number of life
circumstances that carry such a wallop, even the
closest couple has their foundation shaken -- and
infertility is one of those situations. It's an experience
that makes people look deeply at their truest desires
and, in some cases, that turns out to be something
other than parenthood.
If you or your loved one feel on shaky ground about
your hopes, dreams, and family-building plans, it's time
to enlist the help of an expert.
|
|
Plan B Addendum
The field of counselors who specialize in infertility has
grown in the past decade. Before you've even spoken
with them the first time, they already know the pain
and confusion that are unique to couples with fertility
problems. They've trained in specific techniques that
are proving helpful to patients who experiencing the
isolation, frustration, and despair of wanting what so
many others seem to have easily -- a baby.
When patients express a desire for help in sorting out
their issues, either individually or as a couple, we refer
them to Kathy Stern, M.A., Director of Parenting
Options. Kathy works with our couples who are using
third-party techniques (donor egg or sperm and
surrogacy), and her years of expertise and training
within the field of infertility treatment allow her to meet
the unique needs of all our patients, regardless of their
treatment choices.
"Many times," Kathy consoles, "the partner who has
medical issues begins to have feelings of inadequacy.
These feelings can range from embarrassment even
with their spouse, sexual dysfunction and intimacy
issues, fear of disappointing the spouse, and feelings
that he or she is not living up to expectations of the
other." She adds that couples and women, in particular,
often begin to isolate themselves from others because
of embarassment and feeling "less than."
Infertility's social impact is broad, affecting virtually
every relationship including friends, family, and even
spirituality. Protecting the relationship with your
partner will help you cope with any changes in other
important connections.
As always, my staff and I are mindful of the very
sensitive and intimate nature of what brought you to
our office -- your desire to build your family and the
need for assistance. I hope that you'll feel comfortable
inquiring about relationship or individual counseling to
meet your emotional needs, as well as your medical
ones. We remain respectful and open to your questions
and comments.
Sincerely,
Sonja B. Kristiansen, MD
|